Here is a glimpse of one of those lovely moments with family that are so often restorative.  Lillie and her family are together in the kitchen after breakfast listening to the oldest grandchild tell of horseback riding the day before.

Part III, Chapter 55, pages 380-383

For reasons that go deep in the heart of a sister that admires her older brother, Sassy watched Ben from her father’s arms, where she could see clearly.  Ben included Sassy in his story, referring to her part in it and even looking at her when he did so.  She felt included even though he was in the center of everyone’s attention, for a change.  Sassy could see the joy and confidence in her brother’s face and somehow she knew that her silence was allowing that to happen.  Kevin kissed his daughter’s silky head, her hair tangled at the back from sleep, to acknowledge this growing up moment.

Ben told every detail of the day, with delight, the memories coming alive in his mind, animating his face and eyes.  Bruce laid a large hand on his nephew’s thin shoulder while he talked and watched him with a look that spoke of the memories of his own childhood spent in the country with animals, in the woods and fields.

Lillie watched this young older brother and his lively but patient little sister and saw herself and Bruce at that age, innocent, free and happy.  She felt sadness come over her with a sudden wave of emotion that stung her nose and eyes.  Those days of free innocence and togetherness were gone.  Now they had to grab these fleeting moments at family gatherings that were too short and too soon gone.

Lillie looked over at her sister, watching her son.  Violet’s eyes shone with pride and love for her firstborn child so often overshadowed in his shyness by Sassy.  Lillie felt a pang in her chest to think of the ways in which she had pestered Violet and grabbed away the attention she needed growing up.  Lillie was overcome with apology and thick love gathered in her heart and throat for Vi.  Tears collected and glistened.

Violet sensed Lillie’s eyes on her and looked up.  They exchanged shy smiles turning up the corners of their mouths only slightly and crinkling the skin at the corners of their eyes.  A moment of recognition passed between them of the love they shared as sisters, strong even through all the falling outs and fights and jealousies, even through the strong disagreements and recent estrangement.  Lillie saw a humble, rawness pass through Violet’s eyes, and felt she’d seen into her soul for a shining moment.

Violet saw the sadness in her sister’s eyes that had broken her heart before and every time she saw it there.  She realized that she had always wanted her little sister to be happy but her jealousy had obscured that even for herself.  Violet’s eyes matched the glisten in Lillie’s.  Then, as if by mutual consent, they returned their attention on Ben, not wanting to interrupt this precious moment for him.

“And when we got back to the barn, Mr. Sampson told us we were good horseback riders!  Didn’t he Sassy?”  Ben said looking up at her with a triumphant, generous look.  She nodded silently and leaned her head against her father’s chest, speechless and uncharacteristically shy as she looked into her bother’s animated eyes.

“They said we could come back any time.  Mom, can we?  Go again sometime?”  Ben said with strong asking in his eyes.

This seemed to bring Sassy out of her quiet, watchful mood and before Violet could answer Ben Sassy had slithered free from her father and was squirming back onto her mother’s lap facing her.  On her knees in Violet’s lap, Sassy placed her hands on her mother’s cheeks and pulled her to attention, looked directly in her eyes and said with all the seriousness in the world, “Don’t say no, Mother…  Ben and I need this.”

For a silent moment there was a hum of energy in the room that felt like the mystery of moonlight in the woods when the moon is full and the light penetrates through to all the darkest places.  Violet smiled at her earnest little daughter and everyone laughed, even Ben, knowing that Sassy had spoken the truth of it.

Here’s an excerpt from my novel that shows Bruce trying to figure out how he feels and what to do with his feelings.  He goes out to chop wood and think and he gets clarity.

Part III, Chapter 50, pages 352 to 355.

Bruce wasn’t sure what to think of all that had happened.  He needed time to process it in his mind, so he went behind the barn to chop wood in order to think.  Taking up the axe, putting a log on its end to split and positioning his feet apart, he swung the axe over his head and down with such force into the log, it split open like a lover before him.

He was horrified that his mother’s minister had so thoroughly violated her trust and her body and that he had forced a young boy to participate in his evil scheme.  Bruce wielded the axe and swung again.  He saw that his mother had been so completely devastated by this betrayal and by the brutality of her minister’s behavior, not only directed at herself but also at an innocent boy under her care, that it had probably killed her in the end.

After several logs lay split open around his feet Bruce was sweating.  Swiping his forehead with his forearm bristling with muscles, he set up four more logs and attacked them one after the other.  He saw clearly how Lillie had been deeply wounded by the neglect and unintentional abandonment of her mother and how that had caused her to be depressed.  He saw that his age and lack of presence in the home at the time had spared him much of the devastating effects that his younger sister had experienced.  This left him with a mixture of gratitude and guilt.

Pouring sweat he stopped to rip off his shirt revealing a glistening and muscular chest.  His anger and hard labor mingled to produce that manly smell that can draw women like flies to overripe fruit.

Bruce saw his mother’s face, warm and smiling, as he remembered her in his childhood. He missed her suddenly in a way that he had not since just after her death.  A sharp piercing of the heart took his breath away and he knew in that moment that he would do anything to bring her back, his beloved mother.  Tears stung and blended with the sweat on his face.  He stilled in his woodcutting to feel the pain.

After a few moments he resumed his fierce chopping and let his thoughts flow once again.  What puzzled him was the behavior of his two sisters.  Violet had stopped listening to the details of the incident as her father told it and had focused her anger on the wrong person in the rape of their mother.

Chopping again, Bruce’s muscles burned with the pain from such angry effort.  Violet had lashed out at Lillie and unfairly called the Crumelys, further burdening them with her hateful words, whatever they were.  This seemed selfish and wrong of Vi but Bruce had to appreciate her anger and protectiveness on behalf of her family.  It occurred to him that her feelings were wrongly directed but once she could get it straight, Violet would be a formidable force to be reckoned with.

Bruce’s own anger was ebbing and he stopped for a rest.  His chest heaved and his heart raced with the physical exertion and the emotion.  He had been impressed with his father’s ability to gently but firmly confront Violet.  Stooping with axe still in hand, and dripping with sweat, Bruce picked up his shirt to wipe his face, neck and armpits.  Throwing the shirt back to the ground he resumed his chopping with noticeably less fierceness.

He was equally puzzled by Lillie’s involvement with Joshua and thought perhaps she was getting emotionally attached out of a desire to rescue him and that it could only end in her getting hurt.  He felt his sisters were both being too emotional about this.  And yet he had to admit he felt very strong feelings himself.

Bruce kicked at a log that rolled on his toe.  He wanted to go find the minister and ring his neck.  He wanted to slap Violet into awareness of what she was doing and he wanted to stand guard, barring the way from any intrusion, in order to protect Lillie from further hurt.  These too were pretty emotional responses.  Raw warrior bravery pulsed in his chest as he chopped hard into the wood in front of him, lodging the axe and left it to pick up an armload of split logs.  He began stacking the firewood and piling it against the barn.

It occurred to him that their father was fully aware of Lillie’s involvement with Joshua and yet seemed to be okay with it.  If his father was okay with Lillie dating Joshua then why shouldn’t he be okay with it?  This stopped Bruce in his tracks and he stood, breathing hard and wiped his face with the back of his large, grimy hand.  He suddenly felt the need to get to know Joshua in order to determine how he felt about his being in Lillie’s life.

Then Bruce realized that he trusted Lillie on a very basic level to make wise choices.  He knew she had turned men down before due to their pushy and less than honorable intentions.  In this case she had not done that but had instead embraced a relationship with Joshua.  Bruce humphed with surprise to himself and finished the stacking job before stooping to scoop up his dirty sweat-soaked shirt and walking back to the house.

Bruce took stock of what he already knew about Joshua.  He knew that as a boy he had tried to protect a woman form abuse and injustice, at what turned out to be a great personal price.   Since then he had worked to make himself a lawyer in a prosecutor’s office in order to fight for justice on behalf of victims.  He also knew that there must be other worthy and redeeming qualities about Joshua for Lillie to choose him as her boyfriend.  This left Bruce with some clarity.

Lifting his face to the sunlit sky and closing his eyes he knew he would develop a working relationship with Joshua as long as his little sister was involved.  He would do what he could to support Violet to re-direct her feelings and actions in a good way.  And he would be available to his father, whom he respected more than ever before.  And this would help their family work together to fight the trauma of their mother’s rape and premature death.

It all boiled down to one thing.  Bruce stopped at the foot of the kitchen steps and breathed deeply.  His family needed him.  It was time to stop distancing himself from them.  He would stay in touch and make himself available from now on.  For his mother he would return home, to the home of his own heart.

In this scene, which takes place in the sanctuary of a church on Sunday morning as seen through the eyes of seven-year-old Sassy, you see the connection between people, the stuff that links us as human beings, the community feeling we get.

Part III, Chapter 59, page 409

The Parks family made their way to the entrance of the sanctuary and marched single file half way down the aisle and side stepped into the wooden pew to sit in a row on the seat cushion.

Sassy observed the organist as she played, with her back to the congregation, managing the large double keyboard and huge foot pedals.  It looked like hard work to Sassy.  The choir, dressed in long robes with shiny scarves hanging down, filed in up front from a side door and settled in seats beyond the organ and Jesus’ Table.

In Sunday school they were told that the table up front belonged to Jesus and from it he served a meal of bread and juice.  How would Jesus serve his meal?  Sassy was getting impatient for she had never seen a meal served yet.  This morning, as she had seen on other Sundays, there was a huge goblet under a white cloth and next to it a large silver plate piled high with something under another white cloth.  That must be the meal, thought Sassy.

More and more people entered the sanctuary, whispering and sitting, slowly filling the pews.  When the minister entered from a side door on the opposite side from the choir and took a seat behind the pulpit disappearing out of view, a hush came over the place.  Why did the minister hide down low where no one could see him?  The organ music stopped, all of a sudden, and the clatter of whispers and shuffling of feet quieted.  In the expectant silence the minister rose up from behind the pulpit, like a ghost, and began to speak.

Sassy’s attention quickly moved to people around her.  Old Mrs. Dumpler, two rows up, had a wart on her chin with bristles coming out of it and bad breath.  Sassy tried to avoid her as she would take your face and pull you close so she could see you and then you got a full blast of her breath.  She kissed you with her wet lips.  The Saxton twins, a row up on the far right, were whispering and giggling, heads together.  Sassy wished she had a sister to giggle with too.

Across the aisle Sassy caught sight of Jacob Forby, sitting with his family beyond him in the pew, wearing a navy blue coat and red tie.  One of her friends from Sunday school.  So, leaning over her mother’s lap, Sassy hissed to get his attention.  Violet patted Sassy’s hand to quiet her.  But Jacob hadn’t looked back yet so Sassy hissed again, more loudly this time.  Just as Jacob turned to look Violet lowered her head to talk to Sassy blocking her view.  Mad, Sassy pushed her mother’s head out of the way.  And grabbing Sassy’s arm, Violet squeezed tightly.  Sassy squealed in pain and Violet got mad.  By this time Jacob wasn’t looking anymore.

Luckily the organ music began again and everyone stood up.  Violet took a book out of the wooden pew pocket in front of them and opened it, pointing to the words on the page so Sassy could follow along.  Sassy took the book, having forgotten about Jacob, and watching others pretended to sing.  Ben was flipping through his hymnal so Sassy did too.  They sat when the song was over.  Sassy closed the book with a loud snap and put it, with a heavy clump and a giggle, back into its pocket.  Violet glared at her.

Just then the minister spoke again and everyone in the church said something back to him all at once, catching Sassy’s attention.  This happened a few more times and Sassy wondered what they were saying.  Her parents were holding paper sheets with words for everyone to say but she wasn’t interested in trying to read it.  Listening to the sound of all those voices talking together as one big voice was what she liked.

Before long the children started getting up and filing out of the sanctuary for Sunday school.  Sassy wondered who gave the magic signal that released them.  But excitedly she waved goodbye to her parents and followed Ben.

Here’s an excerpt from my novel that depicts a scene in the local cafe in little Hopeston.  Notice the human relationships and interaction.

Part I, Chapter 9, page 58

Lillie drove down the lane as quietly as she could, hoping not to awaken her father.  She drove to town, stopping at the café for breakfast.  Betty, large and jovial as ever, greeted Lillie warmly and slid a menu along the counter.  Lillie was hungry and ordered a large breakfast of scrambled eggs, hash browns, bacon and raisin toast.  She drank a medium orange juice to wash it all down.  Betty asked about her life and said she hadn’t changed a bit, which Lillie knew was a lie.

And Part II, Chapter 34, page 229

Conversing comfortably, Lillie drove Joshua into town.

“You know, people are going to talk when they see us together!”  She warned.

Joshua thought about it and knew she was right.  “Does that bother you?”

“Nope. I rather like the idea of being the subject of town gossip!”  The grin she gave him had defiance in it.  They were taking a big step here, going public with their budding relationship.

Pulling up to the café, Lillie parked on the street in front.  They entered and slid into a booth.  The place was half filled with customers.

“Well, look who the cat dragged in!”  Betty said as she arrived with menus.

A knowing look exchanged between them and, seeing a mischievous twinkle in Betty’s eye, Joshua and Lillie smiled and took their menus.

“What can I get you two to drink?”

Joshua looked up at Betty.  “I’ll have coffee, black.  Thanks.” He smiled.

“I’ll have a cup of tea.  Do you have Earl Grey?”  Lillie asked.

Betty nodded.

“With cream and sugar, please.”  Lillie said.

Betty moved away to get their drinks, noticing Debra Hundley had come in while her back was turned and taken a seat at the counter.

Debra was a local writer who lived a very strange life.  A woods woman who cut and chopped wood and heated her house with it, she lived alone.  Having come to Hopeston fifteen years ago, after a bitter divorce, she had lived in this little town as a recluse ever since.  You could see by the reddish purple color of her nose and cheeks that she drank too much.  She also smoked all the time, always seemed to have a cigarette hanging from her lips.  This fact was in stark contrast to the strength of body and character that she demonstrated in the tough masculine dress, demeanor and physically fit way she moved and lived.

Debra was an intellectual who wrote books although no one had ever seen one of her published works.  But she was always working and seemed to have plenty of money to support her habits.  When she was sober Debra was a soar introvert and kept very quiet.  But when she’d had too much to drink she was friendly, outgoing and loved to gossip.  Many a personal tale was heard and passed on in Hopeston and in nearby Broadley, by Debra Hundley.

Betty delighted in this fact, as she loved a good bit of gossip herself.  Feeling entitled to any information that kept her informed about the people of her town.  She had a maternal possessiveness about “her people”.

I think the bar can be as powerful a place to unveil the sacred as the church, perhaps even more so.  Many times the encounters people have in a bar are rare and profound.  The Sacred can come anywhere to find us and offer us a chance at redemption.  This scene in my novel between Lillie and Joshua, their second meeting in the bar, is just such a profound encounter that changes their lives.  Do you find times of powerful exchange between people in bars?  Why do you think people choose bars to share such personal stuff?  It’s almost like a confessional at times.

Part I, Chapter 15, pages 101-103

Lillie found Joshua at the bar already a little tipsy.  She was disappointed and hoped this wouldn’t destroy their time together.  They made small talk for a while as Lillie took sips of her Budweiser.  Then, feeling strengthened by her visit with Abigail, she told him, “I went to see the woman my mother used to get help from before she died.”

Joshua stilled as if frozen in place.  His face betrayed no emotion but Lillie wondered if he was holding his breath.

She pushed on.  “I needed to see her myself.  I have a lot of questions about my mother.”  She stopped to let it sink in for Joshua, remembering Abigail’s words, to be honest.

Joshua took a long swig of beer and set the bottle down slowly.  He looked at it for a long time, saying nothing.

Lillie waited.

Joshua took out a cigarette and lit it, without offering one to Lillie this time.  Lillie watched him take long drags on it before he finally looked at her and asked, “Did you get answers?”

Lillie studied his eyes.  They held no evidence of emotion or pain.  “Yeah.  But I have more questions.”  She waited.

Finally Joshua said without looking at her, “Why are you telling me this?”

She was sure she caught a trace of sadness in his slightly irritated tone and considered her words carefully before taking the plunge.  Lillie had decided it would not be fair to Joshua to wait too long as their friendship developed without letting him know she knew what had happened.  She knew she risked causing him to hate her and never want to see her again and she feared causing him more pain.  But from her own recovery work she had learned that healing comes from facing the pain and the old wounds and working through them.

“Joshua?”  She looked at him with a serious expression.

“What?”  He said with a hard tone, as if preparing himself for something.

“I know what happened that day.”  She stopped.

He was quiet, looking at his beer.

“With my mother and the pastor and you.”  Oh God!  I’ve said it.  She watched him closely while holding her breath and waited what seemed like an eternity.

Joshua inhaled smoke from the last of his cigarette, blew it out forcefully and scrubbed the butt into the ashtray with such force that it began to come apart.  “So that’s why you’re here.  My accuser!”  He turned and looked at her, the old look of hatred in his dark eyes.

Lillie felt stunned as if he had dealt a blow to her chest.  She breathed deeply to catch her breath and responded gently, trying to keep her voice from shaking.  “Not your accuser, Joshua.”  She kept her eyes on him out of sheer will.  There was so much negative energy emanating from him.  “I come in friendship.”

His head snapped around to look at her, his eyes piercing.  “You come in pity!”

She gasped, taken aback by the force of his words.  “No.  I came because

Mother wrote you a letter.”

Joshua turned back to his beer and slowly lowered his head, resting his chin on his chest.  He stayed that way for a long time, with his eyes closed.

Lillie finally bent down to her purse and took the envelope out.  She placed it gently on the bar next to his arm, and said, “I want you to have this.  I think my mother wanted to send it to you.”  She hesitated.  “Joshua, I’ll understand if you never want to see me again.  But I’ll be here.  I hope you’ll call me.”

With that she put money on the bar, gathered her things and slowly walked out of the restaurant without looking back.  In her car she sat for a few minutes, shaking as tears fell down her cheeks.  Finally she started her car and drove away.

When I was creating a place where my characters could live out their lives and interact with one another, I didn’t hesitate to go, in my mind, to a place my family and I have gone to many times: Glen Arbor, Michigan on the west side of lower peninsula.  The main intersection of the small town of Glen Arbor has captured my attention and presented itself immediately when I wanted material to fill the life of my novel.  I filled in the outer skirts of the town and created things that do not exist.  But if you travel through the main intersection of Glen Arbor, as my mother and I just did a week ago on our road trip, you’ll find some very real places that seem to have made it into Lillie’s Redemption.  Here’s an excerpt:

Part I, Chapter 7, pages 49 – 50

She had come out of the woods onto the road that led only a mile into town.

Lillie felt stupid.  She was further from home now than she had been at the clearing, about three miles away.  Remembering the five-dollar bill in her pocket, on impulse, she headed into town.

Lillie approached the center of town, made up of an ancient grocery store, a café around since World War II, an equally old, diminutive post office, two shops, one selling clothing, the other souvenirs, and around the bend, across the river, and off by itself, the Hopeston church.  Lillie headed toward the grocery store.

Coming through the automatic doors, she was greeted by the warm, booming voice of the owner, Bill Hadley.  “Well, Lillie Farmer!  How are you?  Sure has been a long time since we saw you in these parts!”  He gave her a big grin, crooked teeth showing beneath his bushy mustache.

She felt embarrassed and glad all at once to be remembered and mumbled back, “Yeah.”

“So what are you looking for today?”

She knew Mr. Hadley meant groceries but it struck her that she was looking for something else.  “I’m looking for Joshua Crumley.”  She blurted, surprised at her own admission.

Looking right through Lillie, Bill considered this, as if turning an apple over and over in his hand to make sure of its quality before putting it on the shelf for his customers.  It made her uncomfortable and she regretted having been so impulsive.

Then Bill said, “I haven’t seen him myself, girl, but I’ve heard he’s in town.”

Lillie flushed.  What was she planning on doing?  She felt Bill’s eyes on her, making her feel transparent.  Not wanting to give away any more personal information, she changed the subject.  “Have any bottled water?”

Bill pointed his gaze down aisle three, motioning with his brow and giving her a big grin.

Lillie quickly went off, relieved to be alone.  Why had she told Bill she was looking for Joshua?  What she would do or say when she found him, she had no clue, but she knew now that she needed to talk with him.

In the middle of aisle three, something settled within her, a sort of determination.  She was on a quest to complete some unfinished business.

It was a surprise to me that the book I’d been thinking of writing for years came out as fiction!  Story is a tool I’ve been using in my work for decades, so it makes sense that my offering to you would come out in story form.  My writing is an extension of my mind, my heart and my work.  I have experienced life through the eyes of a youngest child in a large New England Quaker family; of a mother of two incredible sons, one adopted, one with ADD; of a wife of 30 years (that’s a lot of life experience right there!); and of a white woman raised in intellectual Cambridge, Mass. in the seventies.  I was Theologically trained in the midwestern Reformed Church of America and am ordained with the United Church of Christ.  My insights have been formed by serving as a pastor of a congregation for nearly five years, being a social worker, adoption worker and a foster care caseworker working with abuse, neglect and delinquency, by an immersion into Native American Spirituality, art, a lifetime of journal keeping and now by viewing the world as a writer.

Soon, my novel will be published and available for sale.  You may check out my website (www.lalobaministries.com) for more information about me and my work and for updates on publishing and purchasing Lillie’s Redemption.  You’ll find a synopsis, or summary, of the novel on my website.  In the meantime, I look forward to engaging in dialogue with you about the themes and topics brought up in my book.  I will share excerpts as well as my thoughts and questions for you to ponder and offer back your insights and wisdom.  Thank you for joining me in this conversation.

Part I, chapter 1, page 4-5

She liked bringing her cup of tea out to the porch to watch the dawn paint the sky in a moving, ever changing masterpiece of color and light.  She liked being awake before everyone else, alone with her thoughts, when the full heat of a summer day was not yet upon her.

In this excerpt Lillie goes to visit the healer, Abigail, who lives in the woods on the shores of Lake Osampi where she receives clients and offers guidance.

Part I, Chapter 14, pages 92 – 93

Lillie grabbed her backpack and got out of the car, stepping into the chill and darkness of morning.  She stood listening, and smelling the forest that enveloped her: damp earth, pine, rotting leaves and a hint of water.  Lake Osampi must be near by.  She heard a Mourning Dove coo overhead and the rustle of a small creature on the forest floor.  Rummaging for her flashlight and casting her beam around, she found the two-track her father said would lead into the woods.  With her backpack over her shoulders, she hugged herself against the morning chill.  Stretching her eyelids wide to see in the darkness, she followed her flashlight beam gingerly down the two-track.

Soon it narrowed into a well-worn path.  She found she could see better with the flashlight turned off.  Before long she could see the dark silhouette of a small cabin in a clearing and the shine of the lake beyond already dimly reflecting the first light of day.

As she approached the cabin she heard the laughing call of a Loon echo from the lake.  Her heart lept with joy at the haunting sound.  Overhead she heard the flap of huge wings and the identifying rattle cry of the Great Blue Heron.  Smiling at the welcome, she came to the cabin and stopped to wait a moment, aware of her heavy breathing.  She almost didn’t dare knock on the door.  It seemed there was no one up.  The cabin was dark.  Had she come too early?  Was Abigail still sleeping?

Joshua and Lillie’s brother, Bruce, meet in a bar to talk. Bruce is concerned about his little sister getting involved with this guy and he’s gonna check him out.

(Part III, Chapter 53, pages 371-372)

“So ya figured out what the bastard was doin’.” Bruce said.
“Yeah! I thought I could stop him! That was foolish! There’s no stopping someone like that. I know that now. But back then… I thought I could save her…” Joshua clenched the muscles of his jaw and gripped the beer bottle in his hand.
Bruce stayed quiet. The beer was loosening Joshua’s tongue, which was helpful.
“Are you puttin’ Lillie in my Mom’s place?”
Joshua didn’t answer.
Bruce went on to clarify. “Trying to save her too?”
After a long silence Joshua replied. “I see a little of your Mom in Lillie.” He took a sharp inhale through the nose. “But she’s so much her own person… there’s no seeing her as anyone but Lillie.” He drank from his beer feeling cheered by thinking of Lillie.
“And as to saving…” He went on. “I don’t know what you call it, but we’re kind of saving each other.” He turned to face Bruce and looked him in the eye. “I’ve never loved a woman before… I think it does something to you… saves your soul or something…”
Bruce saw a vulnerable, helpless look of love cross by in Joshua’s eyes. He felt an envious curiosity grow within his own heart. He had never truly loved a woman. He thought maybe Joshua was right. It might be a powerful enough thing – loving a woman – that it could save a man’s soul.